No, not the amount of women they’ve slept with — that all becomes a blur after awhile (is what I’ve heard) — but the maximum number of orgasms they’ve had within 24 hours, usually not long after discovering masturbation. It can even become a contest to beat yourself — uh, to beat your own record — but soon you realize there’s a limit before it starts to hurt, ’cause your manhood resembles ground sirloin (again, is what I’ve heard).
So let’s all feel bro empathy for Dale Decker, a 37-year-old Wisconsin man who reportedly suffers through nearly 100 orgasms per day, reports Barcroft Media and the New York Post. Much like being the president, his life may seem enviable, but you’d never actually want it.
“Imagine being on your knees at your father’s funeral beside his casket, saying goodbye to him — and then you have nine orgasms right there,” Decker told reporters.
Um. Yeah. Wow. Nine?!
For a couple years, Decker has had a condition called Persistent Genital Arousal Syndrome, which means that he is liable to climax at any moment of the day, even without sexual stimulation. (It’s basically like incontinence, except for balls instead of bowels.) He isn’t able to work, he’s terrified to leave the house, and it’s putting enormous strain on his marriage.
In the past, women have been diagnosed with the disorder, but Decker is reportedly the first male sufferer to go public with it. “It makes you never want to have another orgasm for as long as you live,” he explained. “There’s nothing pleasurable about it…you’re completely disgusted by what’s going on.”
OK, it’s time to unite and cure this tragic, terrible disease. C’mon, people, we can do this! Anybody wanna be nominated for a really, really sticky version of the Ice Bucket Challenge?
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